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 There can be no disparity in marriage so great as unsuitability of mind
and purpose,    and let me lay it to heart.       The thought has been much
with me of late, Were we wed, should we be happy.      I fear not.   I could
not go twice to Chapel on Sundays, and once on week days.  I could not
wallow in texts and tracts.  And it would be so, and a far crueller
disenchantment to her past image thus, than now.      Reason and love plead
in vain, the blind owl-like cry  Behold the book  deafness the one, and
for the other alas!   Oh Mary, have I not loved so deeply, so faithfully
and long that like the air you breathe you give no thought or thankfulness
for it.     Why have I loved her, and why do I   my innermost
heart I know she is not as I feign to myself.          It should have ended
ere now, long ago.       Never more   never more to think of, hope for
and love her   never more.              I will write as I think   and if
it must come, well I ll end it, and live Alone.  I have done it and
can endure the like again.      I can t cast again   have no heart to 
do it, but life has pleasures yet.    I can read, think and travel,
and so time will glide on till there s an end of more taking thought
for the morrow.
  18. Tuesday.   Barth called.  Out with him, called at Roberts and
left the mahogany block. Then to Canal Street, and accompanyed him part
of his way, meeting Fred Anderson.  Returned to dinner. Afterwards,
with Cross and Atchien the Chinese out for a drive in the buggy. To
an Iron foundry at the back of the North River, where I made a sketch
of Halls drilling Machine, for Cross.   Returned alone, along the brink
of the river.   Atchien upstairs with self and Waud during the evening.
Imbibing ale, and looking at pictures to his great content, also dis-
playing his queue for our admiration. A very simple, merry, 
and noticeable Celestial is he, and knoweth English tolerably. His
Page
Title:Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries, Volume Two: page fifty
Description:Comments on his feelings about his relationship with Mary Bilton ending.
Date:1851-02-17
Subject:Anderson, Fred; Atchien; Barth, William; Bilton, Mary; Chinese; Cross; Gunn, Thomas Butler; Religion; Roberts; Waud, Alfred; Women
Coverage (City/State):[New York, New York]
Coverage (Street):Canal Street
Scan Date:2011-02-07

 

Volume
Title:Thomas Butler Gunn Diaries, Volume Two
Description:Includes descriptions of Gunn's attempts to find drawing work among New York publishers, brief employment in an architectural office, visits to his soldier friend William Barth on Governors Island, boarding house living, drawing at actor Edwin Forrest's home at Fonthill Castle, and sailing and walking trips taken with friends.
Subject:Boardinghouses; Books and reading; Gunn, Thomas Butler; Military; Publishers and publishing; Religion; Travel; Women
Coverage (City/State):New York, New York
Note:Thomas Butler Gunn was born February 15, 1826, in Banbury, England, and came to New York in 1849. During the Civil War he worked as a correspondent for the New York Tribune and the New York Evening Post. He returned to England in 1863, and died in Birmingham in April 1903. The collection includes twenty-one volumes of his diaries, including newspaper clippings, letters, photographs, sketches, and various other items inserted by Gunn. Diary entries date from July 7, 1849, to April 7, 1863, and include his experiences with the New York publishing and literary world, his descriptions of boarding houses, his travels throughout the United States, and his experiences traveling with the Federal army as a Civil War correspondent.
Publisher:Missouri History Museum
Rights:Copyright 2011 Missouri History Museum.
Source:Page images, transcriptions, and metadata of the Thomas Butler Gunn diaries have been provided by the Missouri History Museum.