Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 174 [11-30-1855]

For W. Waud and Sol � I saw nothing of them, except
by chance at Nassau or Fulton Street.     Whitelaw came up
not infrequently, one week, and I visited him � once, in pur
suance with his invitation of an evening, when others were present,
a young Londoner, and a German or Italian with his wife, who
(Whitelaw privately informed me) is an illegitimate daughter of
Louis Napoleon, being begotten during his Swiss sojourn.  He
acknowledges her paternity, they say.   She appeared a lively,
good humoured young woman, with dark hair and a liking for
dancing.         The evening passed in singing and talk, with brandy
and water, I taking share of each, with the endeavour to shake
off the misery which oppressed and haunted me.  /   But it would
not be evaded, and increased each day.     I was frightfully ner-
vous, and the idea grew on me that I was becoming insane,
till it overpowered every other.        A sort of hysterial affection would
seize me, when I�d hold my head, cry, and pray to God that
it might not be Madness that was coming on me.      I struggled
too, feebly, to get into a healthier state of mind, � but felt too
weak to effect it.          Up town I went sometimes, � keeping on
at Compilation Book.        Parton knew, generally, that I was not
in the happiest spirits, and I think felt pretty well disposed
towards me, but I�m mistaken if �twas not alloyed with a
tinge of depreciation.   He admires success too much to compassionate
weakness.    We do not meet on equal terms.     He, getting 
$20 per week for his contributions to �Life Illustrated,� living
in a Waverly Place boarding house &c � cannot but see me
in a somewhat pitiful light � which it may be, I deserve.     /               
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