Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 176 [11-30-1855]

              168
me to share his room, but the very act of making him my con-
fidant had relieved me, and I felt no fear of returning to
my room.              The morrow was Thanksgiving day, icily
cold, but sunny.    I had resolved to attempt no work till I
had recovered.      The closed shops and half sabbath like still-
ness soothed me, though the burning, nervous, brain-sensation
continued.    I fed a little more liberally than wont, (for hitherto
I�ve lived poorly) at Gosling�s, and the coffee had a singularly
stimulating effect on me.    And then, going to the Picayune
Office, I helped Haney a little, proof reading &c.  And at 1 1/2
turned out, and unwilling to be left alone, on such a day,
went to Whitelaws.       The afternoon passed drearily, for White-
law went to sleep in his chair, and I sat looking at the sunlight
through the closed blinds, and feeling imprisoned, � thinking the
whilst of the many genial home-gatherings there must have been
all around, and of Chacombe.            Turning out when the last
beams of the sun reddened the house tops, I with Whitelaw
looked in at the empty Bleecker basement, and then
walked up Broadway awhile.  It was deathly cold.   Parting,
I went to Edwards, and there had a happy evening.   Parton
& Haney were, of course, there.     With the girls and children
we played Blind Man�s bluff, Hunt the Slipper and all sorts of
gambols.       I felt more grateful to these kindly people than I
could have told them, for never had I been more lonely at heart
than of late.
  And since then, though low-spirited, and not well in health,
I�ve got oer the dread of being insane.               
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