Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 181 [12-07-1855]

              173.
into effect by him and carpenter sans arrangement with Greatbatch.
Well. The man now sends in his bill, which amounts to 2000,
or $3000, to the surprise of both, at the sum. Great-
batch is unwilling to bind himself to pay $400 yearly; �
(he had agreed to hand over $1000 to Alcock as part payment
for the firm,) and so the matter rests.    $1000 Greatbatch
wants for stock, furniture &c, � to keep on.    Mary Anne
was crying, and after much talk, they departed for Long
Island, leaving purchases here, and unknowing whether they�d
throw up the whole business, and start afresh in life.        I
dined at 3 �, went to Post Office, returned, saw Sol and
W. Waud in at Wurzbach�s, and sat till 12 in my den
writing.
  9. Sunday.  A dark and persistently rainy day.  In doors
and dismal till the afternoon, when to Bleecker Street, and
after supping, to the Edwards� with Haney.
  To the 13th, Thursday.   The old horror upon me again
with tenfold violence, accompanied with extreme physical illness.
The form of it thus, as closely as I can put down.  Rising in
the morning with the old terror of �another newsday,� I get to work
with an anxious desire to do a great deal, and a secret dread of
failure, which helps to produce it.    An hour after noon and I
have a burning throbbing headache, succeeded by a despondency, or
rather feeling of utter despair, which is perfectly indescribable.
I seem to have no power to cast it off or reason against it.
And then comes a terrible hysterical affection, which sets me cry-
ing, and holding my head between my hands in agony.   Old               
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