Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 224 [04-12-1856]

thought never entered my brain, I scorned to take
advantage of opportunity or liking.     I remained because
I felt it meanness to seek forgetfulness in a future
of excitement and change, which she, the victim of
the same passion could not attain, but in place there
of brood ofver the disappointment and live an em-
bittered existence in the society of a man she detested.
And now occurred an event which added to our
misery, and made me a powerless devil.   The ship 
delayed from day to day, at length brought the man�s
footsteps to the house for one week � a week of
agony of heart and brain.  With fever consuming my
life I wandered without rest, haggard and worn,
till the vessel in God�s mercy again sailed.   I watched
it like a maniac, whilst it fired its parting salute
and steamed out to sea.       Then she was mine
again for seven long weeks.   Mine in all good thoughts
and honesty of purpose.  We did not think then
of ever breaking the barrier that separated us*, nor
did we attempt to conceal our meetings.  They took place
openly.   But weeks wore on quickly and we more 
sorrowful each day.    Mary spoke of, and I, of lea-
ving all, and seeking happiness in other relations.  She
refused.   I knew it would be useless to continue the
struggle between love and duty, and despairing utterly
of finding relief determined to join Col. Kinney�s
expedition, resolving before I left the city to rid
 But they Did it.               
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