Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 016 [08-11-1849]

              boarding-house George and Joe are at.       Its cheaper; $2 1/2 
a week, (of course, nothing like the accommodation.)    No matter, it
behoves me to do it.	 /                             Could I, I would be
off an join the Hungarians against Austria and Russia � �twould 
be the noblest way of committing suicide possible.	I am heartily
weary of this long, long, continued struggle for an object I despise
while I desire it � money.	Oh God, oh God � what were
my hopes and aspirings but five years ago � love, honour, � all
moderate success, � day dreams all �	One thing can I do,
resolve not to return unsuccessful.	Oh Mary � did I not
love you, how little would I care about playing out any part in
this most wretched farce of Life. Heavily, heavily, hangs it on
my hands.	I think and write of you Mary with blinding tears
and such a sick yearning of heart, now.	Oh that I could
lie my head on your breast and die � pass away like a tired
child to sleep.
  12. Sunday. Reading, Carlyle�s �Past and Present.� In the 
Evening with George and a fellow lodger of ours for a brief but tedious 
stroll.	With young Haun, the landlady�s son down to the dock, 
witnessing a fire over at New York, uptown.
  {13. Monday.   At work on the wood-blocks each day. Very
  14. Tuesday.   much matagrabolized.	�Ben� Haun generally
  15. Wednesday.}   sitting with me. There�s much of the �B�hoy�               
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