Evening about writing, when comes Waud and subsequently Joe; so anon all
out together. A walk throughout Broadway to Union Square, and return.
Talk of Panoramas, of Punning, of Street Vulgarisms, of Allan�s adventures
in Stamboul &c. To the Shades and universal Ale and Welsh Rarebits.
/ Six weeks have passed, and ere this I should have had a letter from Her.
Ah me! There is something at once ludicrous and melancholy in these thoughts
and entries. So long, so very long to love, and yet no nearer to each other.
I love to ponder on what might have been. So heart, have vent.
And were you indeed mine own sweet Wife Mary, long loved Mary! �
what a heaven of quiet, home-peacefulness might we not create? Your cheerful
frank heart and quick sympathetic nature, your deep-felt gratitude for affection,
your pleasant ways; [words crossed out] � your dear dear face mirroring
all kind and good thoughts � ! The happy remembrances of days gone by, of
past happiness and sorrow, all, all having tended to draw us closer together.
To have her in my arms, to see her day by day, to know all dread and sor-
rowful yearning for the future was over, that she was Mine! that she loved
me, looked up to me, knew my thoughts, sympathized with my cares � and
knew how I loved her. Oh God! I must be a cur not
to have won her. My heart overflows with gall as I think of it, that
Perchance it is my fault.
14. Monday. Man calleth about the advertisement, but owing to the stupidity
of slavey didn�t see him. Out, posted letter for Mr Hart, to �Holden�s Dollar-Mag �
Fowler going into the country for a week. Another call, then return. Writing to
Barth. Waud called and remained the evening.
15. Tuesday. A useless call down town; then walking through Nassau St
met Empire City Hawkins. Cut him soon, called at Waud �s, whom I found
engaged on a picture; then returned. He came and stayed the evening.
Talk of the Supernatural in books and imagination, of nebulae and embryo