Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 120 [10-17-1859]

I resolve to scratch off a page or so, trus-
ting to continue it, some how, at some time or
other.   Never was I so busy in my life before.
I begin to think that after so long weary waiting
on the brink, so much pitiful dabbling in shallow
water, so much of chilled hope and baffled endea-
vor, I have at length got out into the broad stream
in which it behoves a man to swim vigorously.  It
may be I deceive myself and in writing of it (as
I have done) shall raise false hopes in the heart
of the dear girl who loves me. (Hannah! you are
now a woman of thirty, yet I think as I write
of you, as a girl!)     But I hope not.   How
any man with money would smile at my aspira-
tions, knowing on what they are founded.  Let me
put it down.  Years to come I may smile � I
hope happily, in Hannah�s company � to look at it.
  I am Literary Critic to the Century at $10
per week.
  I edit and illustrate the Picayune � $17 nomi-
nally.    That is Bob Gun pays me what he is able
to, gives me orders on tailors and tradespeople,
owing me the balance.  Perhaps I get $10 a week
in money, sometimes less.
  I do a $5 article, weekly, for the Sunday
  I have drawn to the amount of $30 for the 
Phinny Phellow, and might have done twice as               
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