Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 059 [03-06-1851]

              during the evening at Steward Sanchez yesterday learnt that the �Henry
Hudson� had arrived, so this morning going thither he returned with a
letter from his brother Will, divers prints and pictures; a �Punch,� a Ban-
bury Guardian (with a Sonnet of George�s in�t, and a big tin can containing
a mince pie and unlimited ginger-cakes, for me, (the latter being a present
from our servant Alice.)    A letter in�t from my Mother, also a Christ-
mas Carol from Rosa.     /           Barth called.            Evening Homer Hall,
Cross and Bradley whist playing.
  7. Friday.  Drawing Genin�s caps.   Mr John�s called in the after
noon.     Evening drawing and converse for a time with Cross and Bradley.
/   All this worries and wearies me to the last degree. I am lonely,
heartsick and melancholic to the last degree.  I feel as though I had
naught to live for now, naught to hope; as though all was over now.
  I think of her now with a blind, impatient despairing sorrow, as
though she were transformed to another creature. The Ghost of my
past Love haunts me. I can now, sitting here, alone, (save for the scratch
of Alf Waud�s pen) conjure up, the �Office� at Kings Road with all its
minute detail, her face, her dress, her looks and words, my own hopes
and jealousies; all � with a strange sort of pity and sympathy for my
boy-self as though I were another person.  Oh [word crossed out], I did
love her most dearly, [words crossed out].  All over. � Never More,
Never More!
  8. Saturday.  In doors till evening, and then through the sleet and rain
[word crossed out] to the Era Office.  Picton not there, so imbibed a glass of ale with
Atwood, left and to Duane Street and Holts. Found Mr Hart,
Dillon, Smith O�Brien, Fogarty and others seated not round a stove
but a cheerful fire in a grate, a recent innovation. Sate in converse with
them and Martin who shortly afterwards came in, and after an half-               
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