Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 039 [08-03-1853]

              How much of this girl�s errors are to be ascribed
to want of home-feelings?     She never had a mother, � and if
a father, a weak man, a debauchee.     How much is she to
be blamed for wrecking her life after this wretched moment?  I know
not.          One thing is certain, gives herself credit as she
may, she don�t feel anything very deeply.     Hurt vanity or pleased
self-love, that�s all.         When she sobbed in my room, and
spake of the degradation of being the wife of a man she neither loved
or respected, she only meant she was very angry with him at that
time.         She might, did the wilful current run that way �be ready
to eat him up�,  next day.             It makes me smile to think
of the ass I am, when listening to her, and half giving her credit for
the deep feeling with which she dupes first herself, and then those
about her.         I know her well enough to get at a just appreciation
of it, did I think, and when I�m away from her.   But then there�s
the fascination of her face.          There�s nought to be won of her,
not friendship, respect or pleasant remembrance.    Out of sight is
literally out of mind with her.     Besides her wilful favor is so
cheaply proferred,                                      that a man with
brain and self respect can�t value it, when thinking soberly,
away from the light of those bright dark eyes.  (There�s witchery
in them, and that laugh.)          And even now, knowing all I
do, that she loves nobody, unhappy girl!  � that she loves not
her child, � a damnable thing, � I yet ponder whether
had some strong heart and loving nature taken her in hand,
she would have repayed him for the task, by rich, deep,               
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