he�d been to Beach Street, and had interview with Mrs Kidder,
who was �polite� to him. He�d shut her up, in fact. And
how the nurse had cried at the notion of parting with the child, on
which he said she shouldn�t as yet, as he�d pay her for nursing
it. Then came the retrospective matters. �I was a fool� said
he �to marry a woman who allowed me to take every liberty before
we were married!� �Every liberty?� said I, �did it go as far as
that?� Out he spake in coarse brothel-phrase that it had.
With details. She had allowed him to be in her room, some
evenings before, and that was the result. There was weeping
after it, �she cried � said he. He made a merit of marrying
her. �I might have gone to New Orleans, or Texas� said he,
I could have done well there, and what could she have done.�
She said she should have killed herself. I was hurried into the
marriage. I used to say to myself �what are you doing of? I
knew what actresses where,� had always taken what chances came in
my way. But I did not love the little devil.� But that he
knew that he was the first, he would not have wedded her.
Then he spoke of her conduct after marriage. Of her coquettings
with a fat Englishman, twice her age, and correspondence with him,
unknown to Whytal. That she wrote once proposing to run off with
him, [word crossed out] if she could go back to New York.
Shall I, Jean Jacques Rousseau like put down thoughts that
I should despise myself for? When I heard him tell all this,
coarsely enough, scant grammar and gutter phrase; � when I heard
this, knowing right well as I do, that Never yet did, or can
come true happiness of that impure passion bred by desire, � that