SEPTFMBER 1, I860.]
Friend on a country visit.—Harry lend me a pair of slippers—My feet are heated
WITH THAT LONG WALK.
Elegant Host- My dear fellow, don't use slippers. They spoil the feet. I always
keep cold boots in the cellar.
A Happy Thought.
When at Montreal the railway car intended for the use of H. R. H. the Prince of
Wales, was thrown open to visitors and
one of a bevy of young damsels expressed
her deep regret that the attendant could not
inform her in which particular berth His
Royal Highness would rest his royal limbs
because k< she would so like to place her
hand upon his pillow," we thought sweet
sentiment in connection with the house of
■ Coburg had gone its length. But we were
mistaken, it seems. A morning paper, of
recent date, conta ns record of another and
still more touching instance of devotion to
royalty. The morning paper says :
" The Prince's apartments (at Quebec) have bee11
visited by some hundreds of people. * * * Some dirty
water left in his basin, was bottled and sold at four shillings a vial." .
How simple and yet how sublime is this
manipulation of loyalty on the part of the
Quebeckeis ! Perhaps Vanity Fair, humble admirer of the genius that, would cherish
the scour-ngs of a possible king, may be
permitted to inquire, in most deferential of
tones " What next."
We read in the papers that at a ball given
at Halifax, the Prince of Wales danced with
a Miss Mackarell. After this of course he
cannot refuse to similarly favor the belles of
our codfish aristocracy when he comes on
Jenks sighs when he hears persons complain of the "trials of married life," and
says he only wishes some honorable but
affluent and beautiful spinster would give
him a trial.
—try the saw handles Captain, and rest easy on the fingers—if you
get the balance with 'em you could shoot a fly in the moon !"
Time up ! Bathing hour draweth nigh. Won't we have a time
there if the Newport surf is meaner than a fried beef steak. So we
depart in pleasant procession—for the Bricks are all gathered together.
A Question for Sophists.
Among the police reports of the week, we find the following :
" Laughable.—Last night, a young man named Edward McLaughlin, residing
at No. 9 Worth-street, gave his maternal relative some impudence, which, so
exasperated her that she seized a heavy water-pitcher, and struck him over the
head with it, inflicting a severe scalp wound, and knocking him insensible."
In the above, we think we can discern not one question for the
social anatomist, but three :
Firstly: Was it a water pitcher, or was it a domestic Jar ?
Secondly: Notwithstanding Mr. McLaughlin's name, we cannot
really see where the laugh comes in in the above.
Thirdly: Why Worth-street—a locality so notorious for occurrences like the above, and as a resort of worthless characters.
A Nut for Spinsters to Crack.
Among great things expected from the Prince of Wales during
his sojourn at Quebec, we select the following, as itemized by the
special correspondent of one of the dailies :
The soldiers expect him to pardon the military prisoners, except one sentenced
to ten years for throwing a cap at the Major."
Is the * 'military prisoner'' referred to, one of the belles of Quebec ?
There never was a garrison town yet in which several spinsters, more
or less, were not continually throwing their ca,ps at the Major—a
dangerous and reprehensible practice. Nevertheless the penalty
of ten years—celibacy understood, we suppose—does appear to us
to be rather severe in proportion to the misdemeanor.
"That spoke the vacant mind."
From the opening chapter of a story in one of the sensation
weeklies, we take this ^f :
" Young, beautiful, mistress of a large fortune and a strong-minded woman,
Miss Ophelia Rarey came to the conclusion there was no happiness in this world,
except it was derived from adventure. As she mused over the means of gratifying her wishes, the idea occurred to her, thai the place left vacant in the East by
Lady Hester Stanhope was not occupied."
The assertion that a place " left vacant" is " not occupied" is
indeed startling, and calculated to inspire the human mind with
awe. If, however, the place that " Miss Ophelia Rarey*' had in
her eye had been "vacant'' and " occupied" at the same time the
consequences to that young woman would have been much more
dreadful. We accordingly congratulate her on being as well off as
A deuced good Joke.
[By a Rich Young Gent.]
[Done at Newport, between the second segar and the fourth cobbler.
Time, after dinner: Scene, the piazza of the Ocean House. I.
A. L. and his patent leathers elevated.]
" If I had a bird, you know—a, canary, or cockatoo, or something of 'he kind—and it should lose some of its tail feathers—no,
hang it, I don't mean that—and it should break ite wings—that's
it—and get well again, why would it be like that old heathen fellow, Mercury ? Because Mercury's heels are winged, y.m see, while
its wings are healed! G-ood, is'nt it ?
A fine Eye for Color.
[Artist to full blooded Teuton, who has just appeared in a flannel
Hum—ah—yellow hair, blue coat, By Jqvo, old fellow, if you
were mixed you'd make a splendid green.