JANUARY 7, I860.]
UNACCOUNTABLE EFFECT OF NEW YEAR'S CALLS.
Husband.—Carbimum see's ! my 'pinion earbimum see's an' coffee berry's all humbug—hie!—
don't take the smell ousser your breath bit. Here Fve nearlv made myself sick—hie !—eatin' almos'
half peck, and ble3s' if my wife did'n know I'd been drinking d'reckly she kiss' me—hie !
TOO LITTLE MURRAY AND TOO MUCH MILLER.
We shed no tears over the retirement of Mayor Tiemann. Bad grammar and
bad jokes alone distinguished the closing days of his administration. There is
reason to hope that his successor, whatever he may or may not do,^ will avoid
with some care the violent and unprovoked assaults upon the English tongue,
and the exhumation of decomposed witticisms, which characterized the late ruler
of the City Hall. Mr. Wood never uttered such a heart-rending phrase as—
"Every American feels to flow through his heart the saying of Andrew Jackson
in times like the present particularly that 'this Union must and shall be preserved.'" Moreyer, if he should, at any time, be called upon to rebuke the sib-
illant disorders of a public assemblage, as Mr. Tiemann was at the Political Union
Academy Meeting over which he presided the other night, he would hot do it in
anything like Mr. Tiemann's way, which was this :—
" If anybody hisses here, remember everybody has their peculiar way of expressing themselves,
and as some birds only understand hissing, so will they hiss,''
Mr. 0'Conor,\who spoke immediately after the utterance of this antique jest,
traced it with the greatest ease back to the Garden of Eden, The most melan-
cholly circumstance in the whole affair is, that the audience upheld Mr. Tiemann.
The Herald says " applause'' followed his remark. The Tribune has it—' * loud applause. '' And some journals have declared that this was an intelligent meeting.
Of course it was nothing of thesort. An intelligent meeting would have groaned,
or, perhaps, wept aloud. Mr. Wood must not encourage such things. ^ If he ever
has occasion for an epitaph, as in the natural order of events it is possible he may,
his friends ought to be able to write that " he was Mayor of New York, and consequently much reviled and persecuted of men ; but throughout his-public life, his
nominatives were true to their verbs, and he resisted the temptations of Joe Miller.''
The Real Philosopher's Stone.
-Some philanthropic gentlemen advertise in the Herald that "an opportunity to
save money" may be taken advantage of by purchasing from them "glass views
of Paris, Italy, Egypt, Germany, and Switzerland." How to save money and
spend it at the same time, is a question which has long agitated all classes of society. The public will please to understand that it may be done by buying the
glass views of the gentlemen alluded to ;—and so transparent, we may say, are their
views, that everybody can see through them at a glance.
The Admonition of the Custom-House.
The U. S. Congress profits by the example of Mr-
Bonner. The Ledger _ system of advertising is now
pursued at the Capitol with admirable exactness.
Attractive announcements of interesting publications
all over the country are every day put forward, with
the same excessive length, and the same eternity of
repetition—one line modelling the whole—as those
with which Mr. Bonner has won for himself an undying glory. The only point of difference is, that while
the Ledger advertisements are generally double-leaded
as to space, those of the honorable members are only
double-leaded as to weight. Especially is this the
Mr. Farnsworth of Illinois, who advertises the Richmond Enquirer ; _ \ >
Mr. Iverson, of Georgia, who advertises the Washington Constitution;,
Mr. Kellogg, of Illinois, who .advertises the JST. Y
"'" ''twj , ~ : ' ,
M"r. , Bigler:, of Pennsylvania, who g^ertises the
&&mm $erala\ of Freedom ; ' . ■ '
Mr. ValiaJfidigham, of Ohi^ ^n^oes Rouble duty,
advertising the N. Y Tribune and *m&X%Mnnati Com-
mertial; ' \^
Mr. H&skin, of New York, who appears tg^e a general agent, promoting the interests,.'^ the ■**''-
Constitution, the iV. Y Hkrald, the" 'Jl^b/'^
and other periodicals; and, t ;' V-7—^- — ;
Mr. Iiatrabe>, of Wisconsin, who ^ftyertises the
Milwaukee Ffk \Defhderat, and a variety Mother remote
This m% be Striptly Constitutional, and as it is uncommonly ^'cfrotfe) we presume it is. But it is likely
to intrude seriously, u|?on the business of the regular
advertising agencies, which ought to be secure from
such interference. We hope no honorable gentleman
will volunteer to assist, in this manner, the circulation of Vanity Fair. There are degradations too
4eep for endurance.
A Hearing for Both Sides.
What the Sex Think or Themselves.—I would not
be a man for then I must marry a woman.—Lady
Mary Worthy Montague.
What we Think of the Sex.—I would not be a
woman for then! could not love her.—Michel Mon-
What have you to complain of, my dears ?
A Horrid Mfas.
That raving and incomprehensible champion of Science, Art and Glue, Peter Cooper, has established in
his stately "Institute" a Reading-Koom, in which
are posted notices prohibiting conversation—yet, the
person in charge is a woman. Which will be ' broke'
first, the rule or the female ?
Give Him His Due.
In a recent speech at Cooper's Institute, an enthusiastic gentleman expressed great envy of '? the glorious fate of the martyred Coppie." This sentiment
shows a strong resemblance between fanaticism and
in editorial ofhae : in Both, a Certain personage is
always crying for more Coppie 1:
—:. «a» ,'•-■;■--■ >;--^ .: - ..
After his recent Parisian orgies, in what condition
will John Mitchell return to this country?
He will come Bac-chan-alian.
A Party Hack.
The Times calls the Corporation Attorney an "Old
Stager,'' meaning, we presume, a Bus' (s)teed.
Who Killed Brown's Men?
Ullmann's Greatest Delicacy of the Season.
Pattide Foyer Gras.