0CT0BEE 12, 1861.]
cotton ; that there's no place like the os calcis ; and that America
is, and of right ought to be, " the land of the free and the home
of the slave."
Hoorah for the Concussion !
We will; however, even in the midst and, in point of fact, whirlwind of exuberant joy, recommend to the attention of its able
editors, the remark of Mrs. Sara Gamp, in a moment of affliction.
" He was born in a wale," she said, alluding to the absent Bailey ;
" he lived in a wale, and he must take the consequences of such a
HARDEE MADE EASY.
ARDS of the olden
time enjoyed a
great privilege in
the alliterative as
well as.:• picturesque character of
the weapons then
employed and costumes worn by
axe, and bow had
a twang about
them far more
musical than any
of the hard technicalities connected
such as "ramrod," for instance;
and few of our
readers, we think,
will deny that
li buff-jerkin" is a
much nicer word
to introduce into a ballad than "big-breeches," although the latter
is as typical of a particular kind of soldier as ever the former
could have been.
Gunpowder is answerable for this ; the Breaches made by it
being both innumerable and big.
And yet there is a certain amount of poetry connected with the
practice and movements of artillery—a poetry more fully manifested, however, to the savage than to the civilized mind. What,
for example, could be grander than the conception of great
gunnery attributed to a warrior of the swift Camanches, who, on
being asked why he and his people had fled so wildly from the
defence of a particular pass, replied that his tribe had fought a
good fight as long as the question was one of rifle, but that they
declined to waste any further attentions upon an enemy mean
enough to unhitch a two-mule wagon and fire it at them ? That
was Camanche for mountain howitzer. These Indian languages
are full of a sweet, wild poetry of their own.
The progressive improvement of artillery seems destined to
effect an entire change in the modern practice of war. For, in
more senses than one, the gunner who points a rifled cannon upon
a bull's eye distant some five or six miles, and knocks it out, may
be looked upon as one of the greatest levellers of the time in
which he lives.
In a few years, probably, finer shooting than that will be made
at a distance of twelve or fourteen miles : and then, people will
have to give up fighting, and the Millerites will have a good
opportunity to appoint a new day for that balloon pic-nic of
theirs which has so often been postponed by them sine Die.
On that Unfathomable Mystery called in the bills the
Prestidigitateur and his feats of Preternatural
By Two Special Critics ordered for the purpose.
Prestidi—ahem! prestidigi—ahem ! prestidigita—ahem ! presti-
digitashy—AHEM! prestidigitation as performed in the present
century by your and mein herr Herrman, the daring and accomplished—ahem ! presti—ahem !—digitateur is altogether so ; or,
to be more explicit, partakes largely of the nature and attributes
of a huge, monstrous, prodigious, gigantic or immense substance
placed for an indefinite length of time upon the mirror-like surface of a cake of Rockland Lake ice—or any other ice.
As an egg is full of meat, or a Special Correspondent of war, or
a Sixth Avenue car at five P. M. on the up-trip of passengers, so is
the Accredited Gay Deceiver at the Academy of Music full of prestidi—never mind the rest. Well, he looks like it, and what if
Christopher Columbus—perhaps the reader has heard of him—
discovered—now you expect that we are going to say America, but
it is not so—that a great deal depends upon success. In fact it
has been proved time and again that success is everything to every
man's undertaking. That is the great secret of Mister Herrman's
success. He succeeds. Consequently lie cannot fail to please, and
to make a sensation, and money. He has all along aimed at success and has certainly succeeded in achieving it brilliantly. Now,
this man, this German, this German man Herrman, is just like a
man whom this country, or rather the people of this accomplished
and fertile country, have been looking for, and want. Such a man
is needed in the present crisis in those things—meaning National
affairs. Affairs of this sort are at present, it may be, perhaps,
superfluous to remark, in such a fixed fix that a man is needed
who can and will do what nobody believes that any man can do,
and what in reality nobody else can do. We want such a man in
the Navy Department; we want such a man in Missouri; we want
such a man All over. Mister Herrman can take large dishes of
water and gold fish, good swimmers, out of a set of bandannas,
and it stands to reason that, if he can do that, he could take the
heart out of Secession in nine and a half minutes. He removes
spots from afflicted playing cards, doubtless he could knock them
out of the tainted rebel armies. He procures fancy articles for the
million out of unsuspected hats, and of course he could pluck
recruits by the thousand from the trees in the Old Park. He could
make cannon balls of oranges, minie' balls of peanuts,, and rifled
guns of clay pipes. He could hoodwink and bamboozle Davis and
Beauregard for the benefit of the Federal cause, just as rea^i^ as
he has for three weeks past hoodwinked and bamboozled th||New
York public for the benefit of his own and the IJLLMA^r&lliise.
Don't you see? Well! now let us use hirn,to prestiS^pate on
National Affairs—which need such powerful ^estidigita||&.V
Candidly, however, we must confess that >B^r^nJ&-not what
he might be—most men are, itis remarked, of that stamp. We
remember at the time when we edite^-tfee^^rl^ P#?f|feand
Babifynidn.Express—papers unequalled ftjferfbr since^ab^ 8500
years:^go^ there came to Babylon a Prestidigitateur^lrbm Thebes.
This man exhibited in the theatre just then completed opposite
the Tower—we think it was called the Tower House, and from
which a^novel now appearing in the Weekly World doubtless derives
its title*. Well, the Egyptian Prestidigitateur did this kind of
business much better than either Blitz, Heller, Anderson or
Herrman—and his receipts were larger. Indeed he made out
very well, and then made off, and we never heard of him afterwards. He used to tell the number of hairs on a young man's
head at a glance—which was more than the young party could do
himself, or than anybody else could do for him. Occasionally he
told the name of the eighth day of the week, and that was very
wonderful. But the most wonderful faculty he possessed was that
of telling what was the matter with a certain man's chickens in
Gomorrah. He would request his audience, including the royal
family, to guess one by one what was the matter with this man's
fowls—diagrams of the birds being shown. After two hours and
and a half had been consumed in guessing, the performer would
commune with himself a few moments, and then, stepping forward
to the orchestra, would inform the breathless public that there
was nothing the matter with the Gomorrah man's chickens, but
that they had all been sold.
This person was a conundrumist too, and could spell copiously.
Altogether we are inclined to think that as a general prestidigitateur, he was before Herrman, who is nevertheless of a very good
Mem. for Military Men.
Why should the watering places furnish the most men for the
Because every one goes there to Recruit.
The poverty of Cape Cod farmers is easily accounted for. Not
one of them can raise his Celery.
The Maternal Anxiety.
That infants, with a natural tendency to Fractiousness, may be
got safely past the Tea-things.
From our Man about Town,
When you raise extra spirits at the Hotels, you tip the Waiters,
not the Tables.