FEBEUAKY 11, I860.]
Boy.—-Why, Jimmy, are you going to knock off already? It's only two o'clock.
Jimmy.—No, you mutton-head. I'm only going to put it on the other k nee. You
don't suppose a fellow can beg all day on the same leg, do you ?
A Sin of Omission or of Commission.
Manager Stuart's deeply affecting announcement of tl Oliver Twist," just produced at his theatre, has won the profound-
est sympathy of all right-minded and poetic
readers. The only objection that can be
brought against it, is that the glowing promise of the opening descriptive paragraph is
not carried out in the practical distribution
of characters. Mr. Stuart says of C. Dickens :
Long before aught of his found a home in print, little Paul, and little Nell, and little Oliver, had found a
home in his big heart, and there he warmed them, and
warmed them, until the fire caught the mind, and the
mind touched the heart, and forth sprang a story—
—Which story, we are told in a series of
sinuously wreathed sentences, was *• Oliver
Twist." It is evident, however, that the
author did not "warm them, and warm
them" quite up to the melting point, as in
that case they would have been rendered suitable for casting ; whereas we find that with
the exception of Oliver, the little people
above-named have no place in the list of persons represented. Mr. Stuart should either
avoid mentioning those well-known characters of " Oliver Twist," little Paul and little
Nell, or else explain why it is that he omits
them in his "warmed-up" adaptation. Why
hold out illusive hopes ?
LINES TO ZOYARA.
Is 't true ? what we have read in sundry papers,
That you, Miss, are a Master of the capers
You nightly cut in all your various dances,
While round the "Gutta Percha" nimbly prances
The well-trained victim of your false pretences,
Firmly convinced in all his equine senses,—
He bears a ' * maiden fair," a 4' thing of j oy,"
'Stead of that half and half 'twixt man and boy.
(Our Grandam called us when the two we fused,
Whereon we thought ourselves most vilely used.)
Is't true ; Oh riddle worthy of the sphynx,
That you, who look the archest little minx
That e'er sent cupid's dart
Through greenhorn's heart,
Art, 'stead of Female, blooming young and tender,
A tough young scion of the " Breeches" gender ?
Who isrt, as lady's maid, that dons thy clothes ?
Secures thy sandals, garters thy sweet hose,
Thy sash, with taste majestic, nightly ties,
And links the destinies of hooks and eyes ?
Who taught thee all thy fiddle faddle.
Thy simpering leer; and how to kiss thy " daddle ?"
Who curls thy hair in imitative grace
Of Phalon's waxen Hebes ? Who doth paint thy face ?
Doth villain barber ever soap thy chin
And shave thy young moustache, so frail and thin ?
How did'st thou learn (a thing on which we dote)
To suit thine amble to a petticoat ?
Eestrain the gait, that nature meant for man,
To steps diminutive as smallest span?
Who was the wretch, (0 may he e'er be "cussed")
Reversed Man's law ? Man goes upon a " Bust"
Instead of that, (may he ne'er knOw a spree)
The swindler " goes" a double Bust on thee !
Did'st take it quietly, with " nary" tustle
When first they cramm'd thee in a monstrous bustle?
Or did'st consent, from beauty's curve to win a line,
To wear in peace Hermaphroditic crinoline ?
Hast ever yet received a true love token ?
And heard some spooney's vows in whiskers spoken ?
If so, I pray you tell me if you can,
What ware your feelings then, Miss, as a man 9
Who on the Tribune found you out? speak freely, .
Was it the pure and philosophic Greeley ?
Now listen, youth, and take a friend's advice,
Throw off the frippery you think so nice,
Pitch to the winds your furbelows and feathers,
'Stead of " Lace pantys" sports a pair of Leathers,
Smash up your stereotypes of clap-trap wiles,
Cut woman's mimic smile—smile as man " smiles."
THE NON-INTERCOURSE DODGE.
The following highly inflammatory paragraph is copied from the
Savannah Republican of■ the 28th. ult. :
" Punch on the American Congress.—For want of rich food at home, or, perhaps, because we have more dainty dishes, on this side the water, the London
Punch, has served up for its readers a feast of materials taken from the American
Congress. A man dressed in woman's attire, and leaning leasurely on a broom,
graces one of the pages in the last number, under the title of 'the Greatest Plague
in Life—An unsatisfactory Helper in the House.' Another illustrates the character
of our House of Representatives by a synopsis of a day's proceedings, which we
That Vanity Fair should be the earliest victim of the South's
heroic resolve to ignore the North, to have and to hold no intercourse with her misguided inhabitants, to calmly wither with a
high scorn her institutions generally, including her Satanic press, is
a calamity that, however uhforseen, we may summon sufficient
fortitude to bear.
But to be confounded in any way with Punch, is an affliction under which we fail, and for which we positively refuse to be comforted. It is a cut at our essential vitals. It nips us untimely in
the bud. It is a chilling blast that wilts our fair young ambitions,
crushes our eager hopes, and lays low the golden grain of our imagination. The whole South is informed, in a voice of thunder, that
Vanity Fair is a humorous paper, and that the gentleman who designed ■" The Greatest Plague in Life," and thevgentleman who reported "A Day in the House," are deeply, perhaps hopelessly,
wounded, to find their productions accredited to a serious source.
Has the Savannah Republican the magnanimity to correct its statement?
Out of His own Mouth, etc.
In the Board of Aldermen, the other day, Mr. Farley swore that
one of his associates was a '* bloody liar," and, in the same breath,
that he had never committed himself. This looks very much like
self-contradiction, to say the best of it.
What the Hive said to the Bear.
Let me Bee.
The First Man who Jumped to a Conclusion.