FEBRUARY 25, 18G0.
POOR THING! ff
Counter-jumper.—Aw—P'leeceman, will you have the kindness to see me across the
THE PENTAPOINT GIN.
0 the Editor of
earliest ages, the
professors of the
Artful Science of
with bitter tears,
want of a pure,
unsophisticat e d,
Gin. Homer (II,
4, v. 193) represents iEsculapi-
us, who was Surgeon of the Ship
Argo, Capt. Jason, Master, lamenting the low,
not to say dumpy
state of mind into which his beloved Commander had fallen,
and thus invok
ing his father Apollo :—
Respected Sir ! Our pangs will never cease,
Till Capt. Jason bones the golden fleece.
That pesky skin is now suspended high :
Watchful the dragon cocks his sleepless eye.
Jason, I fancy, would go in and win,
If roused to action by a drop of Gin.
Let from thy kindly hands the fluid fall
Which mortals schnapps, immortals nectar call.
Thus will our skipper, trebly fortified,
Do for the dragon and abstract the hide.
Grant but this prayer—ten bulls shall smoke
to thee :
Yours truly, JSsculapius, M. D.
The following letter, written by Hippocrates, a regular physician, to his grandfather
Nebrus, may here be cited :—
Athens, B. C, 416.
My Dear Grandfather :—I give it up,
dead beat. I thought I had seen measles
in Cos, but they have a kind here that
knocks ours into goose-pimples. Gen. Demosthenes came down with them to-day, and
Col. Cleon has symptoms. I think I should
have saved Pericles if I could have found a
little pure Gin. Send me a few bottles of
your own particular, and oblige,
Hippocrates, M. D.
•I may add the following certificate from
the great Galen :—
There is nothing like a glass of good Gin
to raise the spirits. His Sacred Majesty,
Marcus Aurelius is very fond of a drop occasionally—and so .-am. J.-'
Claudius Galenus, M. D.
That, sir, which in the morning of medical
science, was thus sought and sought in vain,
I have discovered. From boyhood-to my
present age of ninety-nine, by day and by
night, I have studied,investigated, pondered.
The proud result is the Pentapoint Gin,
which I offer to the world as an aperient,
alternative, diaphoretic, sialagogue, enhine,
diuretic, sudorific, rubefacient, lithontriptic,
and demulcent family medicine. I can confidently recommend it in all cases of cancer,
opthalmia, pneumonia, pleurisy, dyspepsia,
congestion, cephalalgia, colic,vertigo, blindness, deafness, dumbness, lethargy, dropsy,
hysteria. Also,fits. It will, I am confident,
. soon altogether supercede those poisonous
medicines, now so often prescribed by the well-meaning but embarrassed medical man. It acts by the corpuscular attraction of
chemical agency, and must therefore take the place of mercury,
zinc, antimony, corrosive sublimate and iodine.
Of the perfect purity of the Pentapoint Gin, there can be no question. My juniper is brought from the classic land of Italy. The
bottles are manufactured by a most distinguished blower, and the
printer of my labels and wrappers is a member of the church. It
is only in this way that absolute purity can be secured. I may add
that my family have been interested in Gin for several generations.
My grandfather drank Gin as early as 1790, and my great uncle
was very fond of it in 1802. The effect of adulterated Gin upon
my mother-in-law directed my attention to the spurious Gins
palmed upon confiding females, and awakened my youthful ambition. I have produced an article which has been enthusiastically
welcomed by physicians, who pronounce all other Gins to be not
merely spurious but dangerous to the alimentary canal.
Sir, the agonizing effects of an impure Gin cannot be imagined.
To this may be traced most of the murders, fires, larcenies, epidemics, assaults, batteries, Congressional speeches, bigamies, forgeries,
leading articles in the morning papers, stringencies in Wall-street,
sudden deaths and unfortunate poems which now distract the community. Like the Editor of Vanity Fair, I seek only the good of
the human race. I see before me a sick and suffering world, and
with a heart full of anguish and sympathy I offer to it the Pentapoint Gin as a Sovereign Balm. Get the pure !
Very respectfully, your friend and servant,
Giles Juniper, M. D.
p. g#—Please accept the case which I send, the celebrated, pure,
unsophisticated, unadulterated Pentapoint Gin . You will find it a
good article to offer to your friends, and should you unfortunately
be attacked by that complicated disease known as cancerous-pneumonia-hysteric-pleuritic cephalogia, take ten bottles in rapid succession and you will soon feel no pain at all. G. J., M. D.
Con. for Skaters who patronize Screw Skates.
When have you a supply of lumber in your boot ?
When you have a Hole Bored in your heel, of course.
The " Jack that
' TURNED ' A gentleman.'