MARCH 24, 1860.
" REFUSES TO BE COMFORTED."
Medical Man.—Come, come, my dear madam, there is evidently something wrong;
make a confidant of me.
Blighted Bride.—Well, Doctor, it was always my great ambition (sob) to be the
wife of a dry-goods (sob) merchant, and now I have thrown myself away upon a hardware (sob) dealer, and, although the dear fellow is as kind as he can be, (so6)and brings
me home any quantity of scissors and files and door-knobs and things, yet what are
these to the (sob) wounded spirit that expected oceans of brocade and point lace. (Sobf
"ISLE OF PALMS."
The African correspondence of the New
York Times informs us that most of the
slavers now engaged on the negro coasts
obtain their clearance from this port, and
that the immense show of water-casks shipped on board of them, is accounted for under
the pretext of the " palm oil" trade.
An Alderman of this city informs the public that Mr. Superintendent Pillsbury, during his incumbency as head of the Police Department, received some $7000 in various
amounts from sundry individuals. Is this
circumstance also to be accounted for under
the pretext of the " Palm Oil" trade ?
An immediate reply to this query would
be desirable, so that, if affirmative, no time
may be lost in applying to the Legislature
for authority to change the name of the
Island of Manhattan to' that of ' * Isle of
"Palmam qui meruits ferat."
How's this, Heenan?
An English letter-writer, describing a visit
he paid Heenan at his training quarters, and
a dinner of which he partook there, says:—
"The meal was soon discussed, and we
had a chat about things over the water."
This does not coincide with our notion of
the Benieia's hospitality ; if he is the Boy we
think he is, he and his visitor would have
had a chat over the wine.
What could he Expect ?
Live Oak George need not be at all surprised at his Albany defeat. What could he
expect of a Gridiron Bill, except that it
should be hauled over the Coals ?
New Motto tor Belligerents-
" Thrice is he armed who hath his quarrel
The Position of the Zoyara.
" That's neither here nor there."
A SEQUENCE WITH "NO FOLLOWERS ALLOWED."
"You're another," was the response of Fielding's rustic when
Parson Adams mildly informed him that an argumentative deduction he had made was a " non sequitur."
Somewhat in the same style will, very probably, be the answer
of one G. C. S. to the remarks we are about to indulge in in regard
to the wild and uncontrollable series of papers he is now publishing in the Home Journal—that is if these papers (on " Our Public
Amusements"; contain their author's idea of a logical sequence.
The initials, G. C. S., we should first assure the reader, do not
stand for Gyascutus, as he might at first suppose, bat for Genio C.
Scott, a gentleman mainly remarkable for instigating Fashion
Plates and for attending to the Shakspeare Department at Laura
In the last of G. C. S.'s articles which we had the pleasure of
reading, G. C. S. was kind enough to give us some particulars in
the early life of Mr. Dion Bourcicault, the author of Vanity Fair,
the new comedy, and not the journal of that name. "Young
Dion," it seems, had left a one act play in Charles Mathews' hands,
and was to receive an answer in a week. The following sentence
conveys at the same time the distracted state of mind of Young Dion
and the distracted state of Grammar of G. 0. S. :—
u Those only who have looked upon poverty as the strong demon with whom
they may be obliged to grapple—who find themselvs in a large city, a comparative
stranger, seeking a career—can realize the feelings of the young gentleman during
that week of suspense."
" Those who find themselves a comparative stranger" must be in
a very bad way indeed, but his condition are not equalled by those
in which "Young Dion" afterwards found themselves. For we
learn, further on, that when Bourcicault wrote the comedy "London Assurance,"
"The play was immediately given to the reader, who reported favorably, and a
courier was forthwith dispatched to find the author, but this was not so easy a
job, for ' poverty makes strange bedfellows.' "
It will be a great pity about people after this, we think, if
they are not found when wanted because "poverty makes strange
bedfellows." And G. C. S. will have it all to answer for.
What a revolution in reasoning, by the way, would take place if
Mr. G. C. S.'s precedent were recognized !
Imagine the Historian, if you can, gravely penning a sentence
like this :—
" Julius Csesar hesitated on the banks of the Rubicon, but suddenly remembering that Washington's birthday occurs on the
22nd of February, he crossed over without further delay."
Or the Mathematician proposing a combination after the manner
of the following :—
" If a herring and a half cost a penny and a half, how long will
it take a man to walk three times around the Bunker Hill Monument?"
Or the Professional Joke-Maker handing in a conundrum in this
style for Vanity Fair :—
" Why is a Broad-street merchant who dines on roast mutton
and tomato sauce at Windust's, every Tuesday and Thursday at
half-past two, like the man who struck Billy Patterson ?
" Because * such is life.'"
Or the Politician arguing thus :—
"Bennett advocated Buchanan for the Presidency in February,
therefore he will advocate him for the Presidency in Mai oh."
On reflection, however, this last is too absurd a statement for
even G. C. S. to make.