[APK1L 7, 1860.
< AH ! YOUNG MAN, YOU 'YE GOT MY PLACE !'
Impending Self-Destruction of the Austrian
By the last arrival of the steamship Canada,
from Europe, we received the startling
intelligence of the death by suicide of a large
number of officers of the Austrian army. The
Canada's news was sent by telegraph from
Halifax, and under the department" Austria,"
the Tribune published the following:
General Erguttan had committed suicide.
. The Express afforded the additional information that
General Eynatten had committed suicide.
Here were two Generals already disposed
of. , But when the provincial papers began
to come in, it was found, that many more
had made away with themselves. The Boston Advertiser announced that—
General Equatten had committed suicide.
The Providence Journal furthermore stated
General Erguatten had committed suicide.
. And the Philadelphia North American added
a new horror by proclaiming that
General Engattan had committed suicide.
' This is .a dreadful state of things! Five
Austrian generals, it seems, frave put an end
to themselves just about the same time. And
there can be no doubt that, as the country
papers continue to arrive, the number will
be still" further swelled. At /this rate the
power of Austria will soon vanish, and in
her army. General Disorganization will take
the place of all those Generals who may persist in kicking a voluntary bucket.
The Real No Nothing.
The Missouri Convention.
A VERY LEARNED SENATOR.
The Tribune publishes the following Senatorial anecdote :
Mr. Hale, in offering his resolution in regard to the capture of the Mexican vessels, said it was a resolution of " inquiry," placing the accent upon the first syllable, as is the habit of some Senators. Upon this, Mr. Sumner, who sits next to
-Mr. Hale, said, sufficiently loud for his friends to hear. " Please say ' inquiry? ' "
emphasizing the second syllable, according to "Webster. Mr. Hale, who was still
upon his feet, said, " Inquiry I mean. I ask pardon of the Senate for saying
Since Mr. Sumner is so ready with his laws of pronunciation, we
should, be glad to hear from him, apropos to the above-recorded
proceeding, the correct utterance of certain other important words-,
—as, "courtesy,'* "delicacy." "good-breeding," "civility," "manners," and the like. It certainly is not a bad idea to have a competent censor of speech—as Mr. Sumner undoubtedly is—in the
Senate, although it is a question whether gentlemen of less goodnature than Mr. Hale would accept this sort of public admonition.
Perhaps Mr. Sumner might furnish, in general terms, a recipe for
the avoidance of lingual improprieties. His own, which he is said
to have perfected by, long experience, is a very good. one. It is to
write with anxious care all that is to be spoken ; to weigh each syllable ; to gracefully adjust each accent, and to rehearse with grave
deliberation, at least six times before delivery. It is true that this
process the Senate would be immediately reduced to the dearest
possible level of stupidity ;, but; on the other hand, the unspeakable
calamity of a misplaced inflection, or an ill-balanced accent, would
be forever averted, and Mr. Hale would be spared the mortification
of open rebukes and the necessity for apologies.
Something we are waiting for;
' If Miss Laura Keene's Bill-Editor continues the extraordinarily
copious style of advertising he has adopted in the case of " The Colleen Bawn," we shall shortly expect a pendant to Miss Robertson's
song of " ThePretty Girl Milking her Cow," in the shape of a
Milk op the Period !!
Milk of the Period , . . . . •'.-' Mr. Peters^
A "Word to Mr. Mississippi Brown.
-In the U. S. Senate, last week, a proposition was made to increase
the p iy of naval officers on duty at sea. Here is a fragment of the
debate : .
. Mr. Wigfall (Dem., Texas) offered an amendment, giving an increase of pay to
those naval officers on land, retained for- scientific purposes at the head of
Mr. Brow;* (Dem.,Miss.) said he was opposed to giving it to these landlubbers.
If they are to have any increase of pay, make separate cases for them. He did
not believe in placing them on an equality with those who braved the perils and
endured the rigors of service.
Now, Mr. Mississippi Brown, upon what meats have you been
feeding recently, that.you have grown so great ? . Because you receive large and undeserved sums from the national treasury for
sitting a little while every day in your comfortable place, twirling
your Senatorial thumbs, or, less harmlessly, filling the chamber
with words of folly,—is that any reason you should undertake to
sneer at men of science> and call them gross names? What do
you think of Lieutenant Maury, Mr. Brown I He is a landlubber,
is he not? And the'various gentlemen of his class, whose names
are honored in the records of science all over the world ? All landlubbers, are they not ? And they are to be degraded beneath those
who "brave the perils and endure the rigors of the service." "Well,
now, Mr. Brown, can you guess how much greater those perils
would be, and how much severer those rigors, without the inestimable safe-guards and protections oi* science ? In.a word, Mr. Brown,
do you know what you are talking about ? Pooh, pooh, Brown.
Go somewhere and blush.
There is much inquiry concerning the nativity of Jackalow, the
supposed murderer, some,asserting that he is Japanese, others that
he is from China. We have means of knowing, and can inform our
readers that at the time he was on the sloop Spray, he was a Kroo.
A Winter Garden Plucking.
The Prettiest Line op Dramatic Business.—Evangeline.