SEPTEMBER 29, I860.]
Been and went and had it done.
AN ENTIRELY NEW AND PERFECTLY ORIGINAL AMERICAN COMEDY;
Or a Restoration op Shakespeare. Just as the Public or the
(Copyright applied for.)
[The following admirable scene from the new Comedy of The Venetian Moor has been kindly furnished to Vanity Fair, by a
Prompter who was under some bibulous obligation- it may be thus
algebraically expressed, |x|—to our Convivial Editor. The play
will be produced at a new theatre room to be built in this city, and
called The Back Garden.]
Scene XXXVIIL A Dormitory in the Chateau de Noir—Mrs. Oen.
0. De Brabantio couchant and dormant
Enter Othellonio, with a Camphene Lamp.
Oth. My soul! the cause! it most certainly is the cause, my
soul! In fact there can be no doubt about it. You will excuse me
for not mentioning all the circumstances to you. 0 virtuous luminaries ! but the cause it most decidedly is. And yet it is not my
intention to bleed her; nor will I disfigure her cuticular beauty, of
snowy spotlessness, and polished like an alabaster monument. Yet
must she expire; or there will be more green young gentlemen in
difficulties. Ha! ha! Extinguish the glim and then Extinguish the glim ? Suppose I do douse thee thou patent illuminator !
Cannot I light thee again, if I wish to ? Of course, I can ! But
once douse thy glim, O Mrs. 0.!—And thou hast been a very fine
woman in thy day—and all the American Friction Match Company
cannot light thee again. When I have picked my pretty Camelia,
it must fade in the course of time. Therefore, before 1 pick, I'll
sniff it. [Sniffs.] O odoriferous exhalation! Almost am I inclined
to give it up so I [Sniffs.] If thou art only thus when thou art no
more, I shall have murdered thee without the slightest diminution,
of affection. Positively the last. [Sniffs.] Hold I no! yes! ah!
oh ! Mrs. 0. De B. seems to be stirring.
Mrs. 0. Who's there ? Is that you, mon General ?
Oth. Yours respectfully. Did you attend to your devotions this
Mrs. 0. Of course I did.
Oth. If you think of anything in the devotional line which
would be comfortable, [takes up the bolster] I advise you, my dear,
[smothers her] to avail yourself of it.
[Bridget O'Brien knocks.]
Oth. Enter, Bridget.
Oth. Leave the room, Bridget!
Mrs. 0. (reviving.) 01
Ot h. Come back, Bridget.
Mrs. 0. (Dying.) 0! ,
Brid. By the blessed St. Patrick, and havn't ye gone and done
it now? Sure, she's kilt intirely. Murther! murther ! murther!
mur-ther 1 m-u-r-t-h-e-r!
[Enter Policeman 106 and Old Iago.]
Pol. 106. Hillo, my coveys 1 what's the row now ?
Brid. Murther's the row, yejjmatefpollytan spalpeen !
Pol. 106. Who done it?
Brid. He !
Pol. 106. Who?
Pol. 106. Ah! [Draws his locust.] General! this is an unpleasant business. You must with us.
Oth. Hold hard a moment—hold;! Let me consider whether it
is preferable in the mind to suffer the cocktails and darts of cantankerous luck, or by opposition finish them! [Draws his sword.]
Down (stabs himself) to hell, (stabs himself) and say■ (stabs himself)
I sent (stabs himself) thee thither (slabs hmWelf). ■-~>.^ -
Pol. 106. This did I fear, and now he's gone and done it.
Old Iago. Angels and graceful ministers, defend us! (Stabs
Pol. 106. Is that thy game? (Stabs Iago.) I cannot bear this
disagreeable sight. The act shows grim, but 'tis the last. (Stabs
Enter two Coroners.
1st Coroner. This is my case !
2nd Coroner. You lie !
1st Coroner. Take that. (StabsUnd Coroner.)
2nd Coroner. Ah ! (Dies.)
1st Coroner. What have I done? Remorse! What have I
done ? (Stabs himself.)
(The curtain falls.)
A Cow on the Track.
There is a story about a bull running, full butt, tail on end, into
a locomotive—a story of which we were just now reminded, hy
reading some resolutions set forth by a society called the Milk
Producers' Association. The grievance complained of by the
members of this association, is the hardness of the Harlem Railroad in its dealings with them, and they have incorporated themselves for the purpose of bringing the Railroad Company down to
a reasonable standard, for the transport of milk. The Milk Producers' Association is not a herd of cows, as might be supposed
from its designation. It is composed of respectable farmers from
the laeteal districts on the line of the Harlem Road. They threaten to ls strike," and turn their milk into another channel, unless
the tariff of transport is reduced. Let them remember the fate
of the bull, and respect the rush of the locomotive. The managers of the railroad on the other hand hold out, and stick by their
tariff. Let them in turn remember railroad history, and the trains
that have been thrown off and sent to smash by a Cow on the
The horticultural man of the World gave a tremendous account,
lately, of a row between some flower merchants and the authorities
of the Fifth Avenue Hotel. He says :
" Four of the flower men were immersed in the station house for the night, and
on Sunday morning were taken before Justice Connolly."
Now, if these hapless flower merchants were " immersed " in a
station house, it is natural to infer that they must have been arrested by the Water Police—a strange and anomalous proceeding,
which can only be accounted for on the supposition that it was authorised by a warrant from the Fire Marshal.
The only Schism V. F. is guilty of.