Lehigh University
The Vault at PfaffsAn Archive of Art and Literature by the Bohemians of Antebellum New York
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Text for Page 225 [04-12-1856]

her of a man she regarded only with disgust and ab-
horrence, and whom she shrank from meeting, getting
paler and of a more touching melancholy each day.  I
endeavoured to prevail on her to pluck up courage and
run off; but for her mother and sisters she would
not.     Again the day of his arrival came.   On that
evening, for the first time since Mary left Dobson�s
I called, and had been there some five minutes when
he entered.     Jealous anger shone with dull light from
his eyes; he was not civil, perhaps it could hardly
be expected.    I could have killed him then, I was
armed, I was mad � may I never feel so terrible
a craving for human life again, may no man�s life
hang on such an effort as I was forced to make.
I departed.   Mary accompanied me to the door.  One 
kiss � I thought the last, and it closed.   Half-
fainting I supported myself by the rails, and then, 
sped away as one who runs for life.   How I spent
the next four days God knows, I cannot recollect,
only a dim vision of sleepless nights in the open air,
of working frantically at fires, of rum, of listening
to the dark river that seemed to call me to rest
forever in its black solemn bosom, and gain the 
relief I sought at once.   My existence was in an
abyss of deep wretchedness, and in vain my friends
tried to rouse me.     And how was it ith Mary?
I once more passed her window.  And there prop-               
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